Fear, new friends, and rain

August 22, 2010:

We woke up early to go to the airport with the Doc. Planning to pick up the new girl. She never showed up so we headed back to the base. On our way to the airport, the Doc mentioned about some “ghost” like things going on in the house. He mentioned that past volunteers had told him about their concerns. He wanted to know how we were doing and if we were ok. So thinking about it, I too remembered hearing things. However, in the past I had always used logic to answer my wondering thoughts. So I told him that all was good and we weren't concerned.

Sadly things wouldn’t be the same after hearing that. Going back home, I couldn’t fall asleep. I heard things and slowly fear began to take over my mind. I had never been so terrified in my life. I took out my Bible and read Psalms to find solace and peace. I read and prayed for about two hours non-stop until Rachel awoke. When Rachel she was up I didn't mention a thing. We showered, did our laundry, and went along with our day.

August 23, 2010:

Last night was HORIBBLE! I couldn’t sleep at all; fear had taken over me completely. Even though, I knew God was the Almighty I still feared the unknown. This alone frustrated me! Why was I still afraid even though I knew that God is the all POWERFUL. Thoughts in my head along with what was going around me scared me to death, so bad that I cried out to Rachel. I asked her if she could sleep with me. The great friend that she is; she came and joined me. Then with Rachel by my side it only took 30 minutes for me to fall asleep.

When morning came, I tried my hardest to erase what had happened the night before. I wanted to go on with the day and be myself. I didn’t want the actions of the night before to distract me. So I put on my “tough girl” armor. Little did I know that I was completely distracted and I was exploding inside. On the outside I appeared as if nothing was wrong. This is something I am very good at. Considering I grew up suppressing my true feelings, I have now mastered it and can fool anyone into believing that everything is ok. At times it is necessary for one to do this, but I know that it’s not always the healthiest thing to do.

We ended up telling the girls of what had been happening. They comforted us and we didn’t speak of it again for the rest of the day.

However, when I no longer could contain the chaos in my mind I burst into tears. Knowing that I couldn’t control them, I left the house to be by myself. Crazy me, it was dark out. But I was so desperate to be alone to tell God everything. To really tell Him how I felt about it all. I let it all out. I cried like a baby. When I could finally compose myself I went back into the house. I thought I had it all together.

Bernie could read me like a book. She saw the distress in my face and asked what was wrong. I told her and everything came pouring out. I cried and I didn’t care who heard me. I was a wreck and I needed help, guidance, something. Thanks to Bernie and Rachel, I was able to get it all out and find some comfort. We decided to have worship at our house and then to sleep at her house. Worship was an answer to my prayer. It was the exact message that I needed to hear. Anxiety cannot ruin my mission that God has for me. God is stronger than anything and all I need to do is trust in Him. I need to keep a positive attitude.

As of now, I plan to sleep in Bernies house until all the other volunteers return. I need to let my anxiety diminish. Fear is what the Devil is using to distract me. He knows that I’m ok with being far from my family for a long period of time. He knows that I’m trying my best to learn how to live in these conditions. So I guess, he had to come up with a different approach. Well, it still won’t work. God is much bigger. He is my fortress, refuge, and the One in whom I trust. Plus I have great friends who are here to support me and remind me of God’s promises.

For those who are reading this, I just ask one thing. Pray for this fear to leave my heart. Pray for us here and for the rest of the volunteers on their way.

August 26, 2010:

Today we went to kilometro 21 to finish up with the health presentations. Our new friend that takes us to 21 is one of the nicest guys. His name is David and he is the most punctual guy I have met. Wednesday I had promised to take one of the ladies to la posta (clinic). This young lady, with much chitchat and trust has now become one of my friends. She is 18 and has a baby that she loves dearly. Shortly after arriving at 21 Kayla and I headed towards la posta. So unfortunately, I wasn’t able to help out with the beginning of the health presentation. When I returned with my friend I found the girls at the school with a crowd of children. After they finished the hygiene, hydrating, and water talk I jumped in and helped with the nutrition lesson. Teaching is not as easy as it looks. We tried our best and now we can only hope that they learned something that they will be able to teach to the rest of their families.

We later went to Campo Verde and bought a few groceries. Then Rachel and I went to out favorite chill spot. There’s a fruit stand near kilometro 38 where we can buy fresh coco, oranges, snacks, and other goodies. Our favorite things to get are a cup of freshly squeezed OJ and a baggy of rosquillas. Rosquillas are a crunchy snack made out of yuka. We talked to the lady who owns the stand and we quickly became friends. The cool thing is that her name is Lady. So she is the Lady ha ha.

When we finished celebrating Kelsey’s birthday and Rachel&Mitch’s anniversary, we headed back home. As we headed home the wind picked up its speed and the black clouds rolled in with thunder. A few seconds after we had entered the house, rain began to fall. I have never seen drops so huge and seen so much rain fall at once. I was tempted to go dance in it, but I was too afraid to get struck by lightning. Even crazier, it began to hail! It was quite the storm.

We finished the evening with a wonderful cooked supper. We made tortillas and a yummy vegetable soup. Our parents will be so proud of us ha ha. We are truly learning how to cook!