Slinky worn out

November 16-20, 2010:
This week has been tough. Yeah there were good days but there were also some hard ones. I write this because I feel it’s important to write down when I have a bad day and when I have difficulties. I may seem to be strong in tough situations, but there are definitely moments when I break down. I’m human too and even the small things can get to me just like anyone else.

This week we had a medical campaign at our new home. We had a lovely pharmacy with medicine, a consultation office, and a dental room all ready to go. As soon as the word got out that we were having a free medical campaign the flood of people poured in. Once again women were bringing in their 7 kids and other relatives. It made me happy to be able to attend to so many families. However, we quickly ran out of vitamins and worm medicine. This alone began to frustrate me…

The new doctor is very nice and she speaks English. It’s really nice being able to communicate in both languages if I wish. So far she has taught me a lot. She’s allowed me to sit with her as she sees patients, shown me how to do different exams, shown me what to look for and what is not normal in patients.
We saw many different cases. Some people just had headaches and tummy aches, but some were in worse shape. As usual we gave many shots to help with pain and severe infections. There was one case in particular that tore my heart.

It was Friday and a young man came in with his aunt and her baby. The mother spoke very little Spanish because she was from a jungle tribe. Her one-year-old baby only weighed 3kg! That’s about 6 pounds. His skin hung on his little bones, his face was sunken in, and he moved very slow compared to a healthy one year old. His skin was peeling severely and in some areas it was losing its pigment. Rachel and I were shocked. We had never seen anything like this, only in our schoolbooks.
The Doctor asked questions and found out that his only diet to that day was his mother’s milk. He was very malnourished and dehydrated. His condition was so severe that we had to do something quick. We figured that the quickest way to help him out was to give him electrolytes and an antibiotic through an IV. Trying to find a big enough vein was impossible. We finally found a vein in his foot that looked big enough to do the job. Rachel and I were sweating bullets because we were so nervous. Sure we had both learned to do IV’s. Yeah we had poked a few people, but they were all healthy. This baby was severely dehydrated and did I mention he was a baby. We had never imagined ourselves starting an IV on a patient such as this.
I was the first to attempt. As I stuck the needle into his skin it felt like rubber. It was hard to put the needle in and even harder to thread the catheter. Fail. Luckily the vein on his other foot looked like it would do. So Rachel went for the second try. Once again, no success. Our needles weren’t small enough and we didn’t have the right tools to do the job. Luckily for us Doc arrived and took a look at him.
We finally ended up buying him Pediasure and Complex B, hoping that with better nourishment he could improve. I also accompanied the mother with her baby to the laboratory in Pucallpa. They took his blood, feces, and urine to run tests. The Doc wanted to see exactly what he had. We have yet to know what the results are. We hope that by Monday we may have them.

We were told that from now on we would run a clinic in the mornings and then have public health classes in the evenings. The public health would be a variety of things: lectures at the clinic, visits at home, activities, and much more. Then every Saturday we are going to lead church service. On top of all that we began to plan our water, food, and transportation.
So many new responsibilities, new difficulties, new things to get used to. I couldn’t help myself but feel a little overwhelmed. Is it ok to feel like this? Yes I can be flexible, I’ve done it before. But when you get hit with a huge sack of potatoes it tends to hurt a little. Well, that’s how I feel.
I’ll just break down the details.
Thankfully we have running water. The catch is that the water falls at random times; times that we don’t normally shower and that’s when we really want it. So we turn on the water and fill our two buckets so that we may have water to shower with, drink, and cook with. We have one bathroom and it’s almost full. There are a ton of mosquitoes and as far as I know, they love my blood. There are only three small rooms in our house. One is the boys room, one is the kitchen, and the third one holds four girls. Not the easiest or most posh living conditions.

I’ve realized that Friday evenings and Saturdays are my hardest times. I miss vespers at UC and I really miss my family and friends on Saturdays. Saturdays here are never restful. There is always something that we must do: lead out in Sabbath school, special music, sermon, and so on. Then As soon as4pm rolls around we are completely in charge of JA. All the games, activities and messages has to be done by us the missionaries. It really burns you out. Don’t get me wrong, I do enjoy leading out. But I can’t do it EVERY Saturday. I feel like I never rest, not even on the day that God gave me. Once again, is it ok to feel like this? I know missionaries are to do it all, but we are humans too and we get tired too.

Even though I try hard to be happy it feels fake. The smile on my face is only a mask. I don’t know if I’m burning out. I probably am. This past week I’ve really been missing home. My family, friends, the fall, the cool brisk weather, I miss it all. I think it’s hitting me now especially because its getting closer to the holidays.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that I know I’m going through that really hard part of being an SM. Many student missionaries have probably felt this way. I don’t ask for sympathy, just for understanding and prayers. Only God can supply we enough strength, patients, and passion to continue on.